How Do You Know When You Reach Enough?
Yamas and Niyamas Part 4: Brahmacharya/ non-excess or enough
Welcome to part 4 of the 10 part exploration of the Yamas and Niyamas, the first 2 limbs of yoga! These posts come out every Tuesday. If you missed any of the previous posts, scroll to the bottom to catch up.
What is enough?
I often pose this question in discussions about worthiness, as well is in my online coaching program, Intentional Eating: Finding Peace and Balance in Your Relationship With Food. “Enough” is such a vague term, but it can affect many aspects of your life.
Am I enough? Am I strong enough, thin enough, smart enough, worthy enough? Do I have enough? Am I too much? Who determines what is enough? What is the magical amount that will make us enough?
Ask yourself this: Enough for whom?
Worrying about your enoughness (even if you don’t use those words) leaves you feeling anxious. You will not find your answer by looking outside of yourself. No amount of polling or advice requesting will give you what you seek. The answer to this question can only be found inside. YOU get to determine your enoughness. No one else.
You’ll never find the answer outside of yourself because you never know what anyone else is thinking or what their standards are. Besides, their opinion of you is none of your business. Their opinion is NOT about you, it’s about them.
If you are seeking someone else’s approval, or trying to live up to someone else’s expectations, you will always feel insufficient. How can you meet another person’s standards if you don’t know what they are? Even if you do know what they are, why are you living your life for them instead of for you? Why are you not prioritizing your own internal wisdom?
If your goals happen to match theirs, that’s fine. If you find yourself stressed out and worried about disappointing them (whoever “they” are), you might want to look a bit deeper into your motives.
When you get quiet and listen to your Gut, you will be able to determine what is enough for you. If you are looking to feel comfortable and at peace with yourself, this can only be an inside job.
Brahmacharya/ Non-excess
Brahmacharya, or non-excess, is about finding that feeling of enough. Not too much, not too little. Like Goldilocks, you are seeking “just right,” as determined by you.
When you show up in the world as yourself, no mask, no hiding, no pretending, you are enough. You might not be enough for everyone, you might be too much for some people. None of that matters. You need to be enough for you.
When it comes to food, you also get to determine what is enough, by listening to your body. Ask yourself, “am I still hungry?” if the answer is yes, have more food. If the answer is no, you have had enough. This, of course only applies to physical hunger, not emotional hunger. With emotional hunger, no amount of food is ever enough to fill the void.
When it comes to material items, you also get to determine what is enough. You get to determine what feels calm and settled, or if you are again, trying to fill a void with stuff. Online shopping is addictive, and an easy hole to fall into. Tune into your body, and feel the feelings you are trying to numb. Once the feeling passes, ask yourself if you still need the thing in your cart. If yes, get it. If no, delete it.
Brahmacharya is useful to practice when you are battling addiction of any kind. Addiction draws you toward more, often to your detriment. When you are trying to fill a void, or numb a feeling you don’t want to feel, it’s easy to fall into excess. Excess food, alcohol, gambling, shopping, sex, drugs, busyness. You pick your poison.
The problem is none of these will actually fill the hole, it’s just a temporary fix, a hit of dopamine to get us through this moment. In the end, this behavior typically causes more harm than good, and you usually end up feeling worse.
Unfortunately, the only way out is through. You need to feel your feelings. I promise, they will not kill you, and you will stop crying eventually, usually sooner than you think.
Feeling your feelings gives you the release that you are seeking, and it actually requires much less energy than suppressing them. It can be scary at first. “If I start crying I’ll never stop” is a story we tell ourselves that is not actually true. You may experience grief when you stop numbing or trying to fill the void. Let this be okay.
On the other side of grief, you will find enough, and the balance that you seek. Not too much, not too little. Just enough.
Previous posts in the series:
How to Move Toward Ease in 10 “Simple” Steps
Are Your Thoughts Harmful to Yourself and Others?
The Mind is a Liar. Only Your Gut Tells You the Truth
How We Steal from Ourselves When We Don’t Set Good Boundaries
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I teach online yoga classes to adults over 50 who are looking to stay active with yoga! Practice on and off the mat in both live and on demand classes. I also offer courses, workshops, and retreats! Click this link to receive the weekly Purple Room Yoga newsletter to stay up to date with “all the things!”
