Learning to Let Go of Control and Embrace What Is
The Gifts that Yoga has given me
I have been in an almost 30 year relationship with yoga. When I started at age 23, I was steeped in anxiety, perfectionism, and self-loathing. I was simultaneously too much and not enough, and struggled with depression on and off for many years.
Yoga has been the one constant throughout my life that gave me a break from all that. I have had years when I practiced daily, sometimes multiple times a day, like in my 20s, before I had responsibilities beyond myself. I have had years when I practiced very little, like when my kids were little and I barely had time to myself. There have also been years where things were more balanced, like they are now.
Over the years, yoga has given me many gifts. I share these with my students every day when I teach, though maybe not so explicitly. The gifts come with the practice.
The gift of movement without judgment
When I was a dancer, I was highly critical of my body and myself. Dance teaches you to think this way. Your leg needs to go higher, you need to pirouette more times, you need to move bigger and take up more space, while staying physically small and lithe. I was never lithe, but when I was dancing, there was a freedom to my movement that I enjoyed. There was a constant striving to be better than you are, because you are not good enough. You never are, no matter how hard you work or how gifted you are. Just ask any dancer.
With yoga, you are always enough. You practice with the body that you have, no matter what it looks like or how many years you have under your belt. The beauty of yoga is you are not practicing for anyone else but yourself. You don’t have to satisfy a quote, there is no finish line you are trying to meet, there is no achieving. There is only being.
Sometimes yoga on social media doesn’t look that way, but we are all a product of our environment. Working toward Headstand or Crow pose might be part of your yoga practice, but Child’s pose and Savasana are equally important and valuable. There is no one-size-fits-all with yoga. You challenge yourself only as much as feels good; as soon as you start to struggle, you are no longer practicing.
Meet yourself where you are and accept that as enough. There’s no pushing or striving, there is only surrender to the moment, to your body, to your breath.
The gift of being present and noticing what is
As a Type A recovering perfectionist, being still was not always in my wheelhouse. I was always on the go physically, and mentally I was all over the place. As long as I kept moving, I didn’t have to feel anything.
Yoga has gifted me stillness. Holding the poses and noticing my breath brings me into this moment, helping me let go of all other moments. Regret and shame live in the past. Anxiety lives in the future. In this moment, there is only peace. This is the only moment over which we have control.
When you stop moving, you start feeling. It is only then that you can let go of what’s holding you back. Constant movement keeps things bottled up until you explode. When you notice your thoughts and feel your feelings, you can release them and they lose their power over you.
The gift of accepting myself for who I am
Life is full of comparisons. Advertising makes us feel like we’re not enough, but if we buy this thing, we’ll be better. Yoga teaches you to accept yourself as you are, no need to fix or change anything.
Your body is perfect, even if you have “insulation” over your 6 pack abs. Your joints are to be loved, even if they don’t move like they once did. You are worthy of love and belonging just as you are. Your “flaws” are what make you unique and beautiful. You are enough, and you don’t have to change a thing.
Holding onto other people’s expectations of who we are or what we should look like drives many industries. What if you could love yourself just as you are? What if you didn’t need to be 20, white, and skinny? What if you could fully own and embrace the body that you have, no matter what that is?
This is a gift that yoga has given me. All of my quirks and idiosyncrasies are what make me me. When I finally accepted myself and stopped worrying about what other people might think of me, I felt at home in my body and myself. Feeling at home in one’s self is an incredible gift.
The gift of letting go
I was an anxious kid and young adult. I was always worried about what other people thought, if I was enough or too much, if I was going to be late, if I was going to fail, the list goes on. My focus was often on things over which I had no control (the essence of anxiety).
When you have no control, all you can do is worry. When you can control things, you have peace. I can only control me. You can only control you. That’s the end of the list, unfortunately.
Focusing on what I can control (my body, my breath, my actions, my responses) has helped me let go of all the things I can’t control (everything else). There is a deep sense of calm and groundedness that comes with letting go. It allows you to be with what is.
The gift of being in the body that I have and loving it.
Aging is no joke. I’m 52 and definitely don’t have the body that I had in my 20s. I like this body better, for many reasons.
I can age and my body can change, and I can accept these changes. I can have a strong core without 6 pack abs. I can have feel stable on my feet and move easily through the world. I don’t need to look any particular way. I can embrace the “wisdom sparkles” in my hair, and the crinkles on my face. They show a life well lived.
My body doesn’t do all the things it did when I was 23 (although it can still do many of them!), but I can embrace the needs of my body now and honor them. I can move in ways that feel good and not worry about what I look like. My worth is not in my outsides. My worth is in my mind and heart.
My yoga practice is a gift that keeps on giving, year after year. It’s only getting better as I continue to let go of what’s holding me back, and embrace what is. And that’s enough.
If you are interested in getting started with yoga, you might want to check out the Yoga Over 50 Starter Kit. Get support as you dip your toes into a yoga practice!
