Pouring Myself Out Onto the Page to See What’s There

My Why #2: Journaling

I started writing in a journal around age 10 after I read the Diary of Anne Frank for the first time. You can read more about that here:

The Magic of Journaling to Understand Yourself

Although it has evolved over the years, pouring out my thoughts onto the page has been my favorite way to process my feelings. As an introvert and seasoned “numb-er”, I am not always in touch with what or how I am feeling. Sometimes it takes me a few days to understand that something is bothering me. I struggle to talk about what’s wrong when I don’t yet understand it. Writing stream-of-consciousness helps me get to the bottom of whatever is on my mind and heart. I am often amazed at what comes out.

There are many ways to journal, and each one serves a different purpose. If you are struggling to solve a problem, that might be where you start. I find this works well. You might ask yourself the question and start writing. The key is not to think about what you’re writing, just write. As soon as you start thinking, you’ll ruin the flow and break your connection with your subconscious mind. Release yourself from the thoughts in your head, and just write.

Letter writing

One of my favorite ways to journal is letter writing. The beauty is no one receive the letter, the writing process is completely for you.

• I have written letters to people that I am struggling with in my life. In the letter I get to say everything I am feeling without worrying about hurting their feelings. This allows me to process the feelings without repercussions or damage to the relationship with the other person. This process is not about them, it’s about me fully expressing how I feel without censorship. Later, I can have a conversation with this person and the emotional charge is gone. I can be rational and kind because I’ve already processed the feelings.
• I have written letters to people who have died as a way to process my grief. Writing a letter allows me to bridge the gap to them in a tangible way, even when they are not around to read it. I connect to them in my heart by writing to them on the page. This works no matter what the relationship was with this person. It’s really effective with toxic relationships because you get to say and feel everything you couldn’t when they were alive. It can be quite cathartic. When you truly miss someone, you can feel the grief in a tolerable, titrated way, tapping into the love and giving it a place to go: the page.
• I have written letters to my younger selves. 5 year old Janine and 16 year old Janine needed to hear things that they didn’t when they were young. I can give them the acknowledgement, reassurance, love, and kindness that they so desperately needed and didn’t get. Adult Janine can heal some of their wounds and help them feel seen, heard, and valued. I often cry when I write these letters, releasing pain through my tears. It can be a powerful exercise.
• Elizabeth Gilbert has a Substack blog called Letters From Love, which I highly recommend. I have experimented with this type of letter writing and it’s a beautiful practice. These letters come from Universal Love through you to you. For me, it’s a different voice than my regular journal writing. The voice is kind, loving, and generous. She gives wonderful wisdom about all sorts of topics that I may not fully understand or realize about myself. I always feel settled and calm after writing these letters.

Journal prompts

If you ever feel stuck with starting to write, having a prompt is incredibly helpful. There are a number of writers on Substack (which is my most active blog site) who often offer journal prompts at the end of their posts, like Katie Bean, or insightful questions to ponder, like Kelly Flanagan. Prompts give you a place to start, a direction to take, and get you unstuck.

If you Google “journal prompts,” Google’s AI Gremlin (as I call it) comes up with all sorts of prompts to get you started, in categories like gratitude, self-awareness, and creativity.

I offer journal prompts once a month as part of Sangha Sundays, the monthly online community group I host to practice yoga “off the mat.” This month we’re talking about boundaries, previous months we’ve covered topics like permission to rest, Ahimsa/non-harming, and making mistakes when you are a perfectionist. Life is hard, having a community where you can discuss challenging topics in a safe, non-judgmental space, makes it a bit easier.

Journaling from the heart

What I love most about journaling (and this can be the most challenging part for Type A perfectionists like me) is that this writing comes from the heart, not the head. Years of overriding my feelings with my thoughts made this difficult for me at first. It requires a certain amount of letting go and trusting the process. As soon as you start thinking and planning, it loses its desired effect.

When you allow yourself to let go and relax your mind, the words flow out from your heart. The heart feels all the emotions (according to Chinese medical theory) and holds a lot of wisdom as well. All of your past hurts are stored there; this writing lets them come out. This is the path to healing.

It might feel safer and easier to keep things inside, but it’s not. If you are someone who stuffs or ignores their feelings (that was me for the first half of my life at least) it becomes harder to keep things stuffed over time. It’s as if we have a giant garbage can inside of us. You can put your emotions into the garbage can, but after a while, you need to work harder to get them to stay in there. You’ll require more numbing behaviors to shove them down (anyone else eat their feelings?)

Eventually you run out of space and garbage explodes all over the place, usually in the most inconvenient times. If you’ve ever had an anger outburst that you didn’t understand or found yourself sobbing uncontrollably for “no reason,” this might be why. Journaling is a way to let the garbage out, one piece at a time. Titrating the emotions in this way makes them more tolerable when you finally feel them. Once you release them, you’ll immediately feel relief.

Journal prompts to play with

If you want to start journaling and are struggling with how to do it, here are some prompts to get you started. You can stick with one prompt and repeat multiple times, or you can try all of them.

1. Right now I feel _____. It feels like _________(the sensation in your body). It reminds me of that time when ___________.
2. Dear Love, what would you have me know today? (From Elizabeth Gilbert’s Letters from Love)
3. I need to be perfect because ______________ (write for as long as you need). I actually don’t need to be perfect because ________________ (write for as long as you need).
4. Dear younger {Your Name}, what do you want me to know? (I find it helpful to pick an age. Don’t overthink it, choose whatever age comes to you first).

Give it a try and see how that goes. If you come up with any insights, and it feels okay, share in the comments! Even though our experiences are different, we all share the same emotions. If you have questions, feel free to ask below.

Sangha Sundays

Sangha Sundays meets the 4th Sunday of each month online at 6:30pm EST. I send out journal prompts about the topic of the month on the first of each month for you to explore as you see fit. During our meetings we start with a short meditation to ground a be present, then we discuss the yoga related topic. The purpose of this group is connect as a community, exploring life’s challenges through the lens of yogic wisdom. All sessions are confidential, what happens in the Sangha, stays in the Sangha. This group is open to anyone who wishes to join. No yoga experience is necessary, just a willingness to listen and share with an open heart.

Living Yoga: One Yoga Teacher’s Journey to Surrender

I self-published a book that I’m really excited about. This book is part memoir, part yoga philosophy, and part practical actions that you can take to help you integrate your “off the mat” yoga practice more fully into your life. It is based on the series that I wrote last spring on Substack on the Yamas and Niyamas, the first 2 limbs of yoga. It’s available in both digital and paperback formats. Click the button below to check it out!