Increase Curiosity and Find Out Who You Really Are

Yamas and Niyamas, part 9, Svadhyaya or self-Inquiry/Self-Study

Thanks for coming along for the ride through the Yamas and Niyamas, the first 2 limbs of yoga! We’re nearing the end, I hope you’ve found these essays useful! All previous posts are listed at the bottom if you’ve missed any. I am passionate about sharing the wisdom of yoga with others. It has had an incredibly positive influence on my life, I want you to benefit from all that I have learned along the way. I appreciate you reading my posts! ~Janine

Looking inside yourself can be hard. There are stories of shame, regret, and loss that can be difficult to revisit. Depending on what your childhood and adult life have looked like, there can be a lot of things you’d rather forget.

However, looking at these past events, even the uncomfortable ones, can help you learn about who you are today. Everything you have ever done or experienced has brought you to this moment and shaped you into who you are.

Svadhyaya, or Self-Study/Self-Inquiry, is the practice of looking inward at your stories, your beliefs, and the ideas that you hold as true, that might not be.

Learning about yourself is a big part of why you would practice yoga. Yes, the strength, balance, and mobility that you get from the physical practice also matter. But the biggest lessons I have received from yoga have been learning about myself, outside of how to move my body on the mat.

I learned:

how judgmental I could be toward myself
that I was a perfectionist (now in recovery)
how strong I was, but that I also had weaknesses
that it was okay to show up and be myself, just as I am
that I have a well of wisdom inside, and when I get quiet enough, I can hear it.

And more.

Playing the Blame Game

When things go wrong in life or relationships, it’s easy to blame someone else. Svadhyaya asks you to look at your part in what went wrong. “It takes two to Tango,” is not just a cliché, it’s true.

Every relationship has two people interacting, and each person plays their part to create the dynamic. The next time you have an disagreement with your partner or friend, notice your piece of the disagreement.

Maybe your friend is always late when you make a date and it’s really inconvenient for you. You are always on time, why are they always so disrespectful of you (the story you are telling yourself)? How do you handle this?

You can complain (in your head or out loud) that they are late all the time, and get bitter and resentful.
The next time you meet, give them an earlier time than you plan to arrive, and hope for the best.
Speak to them, telling them you only have a limited amount of time and you feel frustrated every time they are late. You feel like their lateness is a sign that they don’t respect you. Listen to what they say with curiosity.
Perhaps they have ADHD and time blindness, and they struggle to get anywhere on time. Maybe you practice compassion (karuna) for their struggles and find it bothers you less since now you know it’s not about you.

Inquiring inward and exploring how each of these options feels tells you something about yourself. You can’t control other people, but you can control you. Find out what feels like the best option for you. It may not prevent your friend from being late, but it will definitely affect how you feel about it and what you do as a result.

The Power of Curiosity

I mentioned earlier how judgmental I used to be of myself. I came by it honestly as a perfectionist who was taught to constantly worry about what other people thought of me. When that’s the pool in which you grow up, you can’t help but to swim in it.

Through practicing yoga, I began to get curious about these judgments. Was it true that I needed to be perfect to prove my worth? Did I need to push myself to the point of injury to practice yoga “correctly?” Was it really okay to rest when I needed to rest?

When I dug into these beliefs I realized that none of them were true. I didn’t need to be perfect, I could listen to my body and still practice yoga, and, as I now teach in my classes, I could rest when I needed to rest, as Child’s pose is always an option.

Getting curious creates space and possibility in your mind. When you become curious, you stop taking things personally and become open to what else could be true. Instead of the story “I need to be perfect so that I will be worthy of being loved” I now know that I can show up as myself and will find true connection with others.

What if instead of getting angry and frustrated at your friend for always being late, you got curious: “I wonder why they are always late.” When you ask them from a place of curiosity instead of blame, they are more likely to feel seen and understood and share themselves with you.

Looking Backward as You Look Inward

Part of understanding yourself is looking at your past, again, with curiosity. Talk therapy and journaling can also assist in these types of inquiries because you don’t always have the answers right away. I have used both modalities successfully for many years. I especially love journaling as it helps me tap into my subconscious thoughts.

The Magic of Journaling to Understand Yourself

Using journal prompts can get the ball rolling. You can pose a specific question, or something vague and open ended. I love writing letters to people as a way to tap into my feelings toward them and events that may have contributed to creating my stories. I find journaling creates clarity, although sometimes it also creates more questions.

Answers unfold over time if they don’t come right away. The trick is to stay out of your head and let your pen flow, uncensored.

Some possible prompts:

“Why did my parents behave the way they did and how did that affect my behaviors and beliefs about myself? What were their stories based on their history and how did that affect their parenting of me?”
“Dear Love, what would you have me know today?” This is based on Elizabeth Gilbert’s practice and I have found it incredibly helpful. She writes a blog “Letters From Love” which I highly recommend.
“What am I feeling today?” I find this to be a useful meditation prompt too.
“Dear 5 year old Janine (use your name), what do you need me to know?” Sometimes our younger selves need a bit of attention at times. This is a great way to give them a voice.
“Dear Future Self, what wisdom do you have to share?” This can be a powerful exercise. It’s amazing what wisdom we have for ourselves.

Growth

The possibilities are endless. What is beautiful about Svadhyaya is that there is no right or wrong way to practice. It is really just asking questions of yourself that you answer from your own deep place of wisdom.

Self-Inquiry inspires growth. Every time you learn something new about yourself, you are able to let go of old beliefs, that no longer serve you, and step into a new, wiser state.

Practicing yoga on the mat (Asana), meditation, walking, swimming, hiking, biking, running, and other activities are perfect opportunities to look inward. When you are by yourself, moving/sitting, and breathing, your mind becomes clear, and wisdom arises like a bubble from the bottom of a lake.

Stay curious and let the wisdom flow. You have all the answers you need. They’re in there somewhere. You simply need to give them space to appear and be seen.

Previous Posts in the Series

How to Move Toward Ease in 10 “Simple” Steps

Are Your Thoughts Harmful to Yourself and Others?

The Mind is a Liar. Only Your Gut Tells You the Truth

How We Steal From Ourselves When We Don’t Set Good Boundaries

How Do You Know When You Reach Enough?

Is Non-Attachment the Cure for Anxiety?

Feeling Stuck in Overwhelm? It Might Be Your Environment

Happiness is Temporary. Contentment is a Better Goal

When You Feel the Beautiful Balance of Strength and Ease

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