The Yoga of Eating: Heal Your Relationship with Food
I have always had a problematic relationship with food. I know the causes of this are multi-tiered, but in the end, it comes down to the problematic relationship I had with myself.
If you grew up in the 70s and 80s and were female, you were fed constant messages that you should be thinner, smaller, and quieter. And you should be more assertive, stand up for yourself, and be anything you want to be. It was a confusing time as a teen girl. I’m sure plenty of boys internalized problematic messages too, but I can’t speak for them.
The problem with Internalized Messaging
The messages, whether overt or covert, get absorbed into your system like sugar into your bloodstream. They become part of the stories you tell yourself and affect how you relate to food: I shouldn’t eat that, I’ll get fat (fat phobia), I shouldn’t have eaten that, now I feel gross (shame), I’m not going to eat today (need to be smaller), etc.
All of these types of messages make you believe that there is something wrong with you. You need to try, at all costs, to “be better.” Whatever that means. The truth is, you are enough just as you are, but that can be a harder message to swallow. And businesses can’t make money off of that message.
You get messages that you are not good enough as you are, and you need to fix yourself to be more attractive for a potential mate. The “not good enough” message runs deep and can affect how you feel about food and eating in general.
Food as Love
Your relationship with food affects your body image, and can also connect with giving and receiving love. If you had a Jewish grandmother like I did (or many other cultures), she expressed love through food. She was health based, so she was always pushing more vegetables on me, but every time she asked if I wanted more vegetables, what I felt was “I love you.” Maybe your grandmother showed you love with lasagna, or chocolate chip cookies.
Food as love, while it feels good, can also be problematic, especially when we turn to food when we need to feel loved. Have you ever eaten while lonely to feel comforted? That’s you seeking love through food. While this isn’t necessarily a problem, it can be if that’s the only place you look.
Yoga teaches us to find love from within ourselves. When you can love yourself, you don’t need to seek it from outside of yourself, therefore you are not looking to food for comfort. That doesn’t mean you don’t create meaningful relationships in your life, we are human and thrive in community, even a small community. What that means is you are not looking for someone else to “complete” you, as you complete yourself. You are also not looking to fill the void with food.
Healing through Yogic Principles
The yogic principles of Metta (LovingKindness), Ahimsa (Non-Harming), and Santosha (Contentment) are just 3 of many principles that can affect your relationship with food and yourself.
Metta
Metta is often practiced as a prayer or meditation and the words that follow can vary. The basic idea is to send LovingKindness out into the world, and to yourself. You might repeat phrases such as
May you be happy. May you be safe. May you have shelter and enough food to eat. May you feel protected and free from fear. May you know joy, love, and peace.”
This practice opens your heart and cultivates positive, loving energy within you, leaving you feeling calm and relaxed. Traditionally you practice sending LovingKindness to yourself, then someone you love, then someone with whom you struggle, then to “All Beings Everywhere.”
One of the best aspects of this type of practice is it regulates your nervous system. When you are out of “Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn,” you are not seeking other ways to regulate (like food). You are already feeling calm and relaxed. The more you can regulate yourself, the less you will turn to food for comfort.
Ahimsa
Non-harming in this context refers to both your thoughts and your actions. It’s more than “Thou shalt not kill,” it’s about being kind to one another and to yourself. When practicing Ahimsa, your self-talk is kind, rather than judgmental or shaming. Instead of referring to yourself as “worthless” or telling yourself that “you suck,” you will practice self-compassion, understanding that you are doing the best you can with the tools that you have (we all are).
When practicing Ahimsa, you will choose foods that support and nourish you, and when you don’t, you will be gentle with yourself. You can choose to eat the ice cream because you had a tough day and want some, but you will make this choice and do so intentionally. You will taste the ice cream and savor the taste. In doing so, you will eat an amount that satisfies you. When you eat mindlessly, you don’t get to taste the deliciousness; that doesn’t serve you.
When there is choice, there is no shame. You don’t feel bad about eating the ice cream because you made the conscious decision to do it and you ate a reasonable amount. You gave yourself permission to enjoy your food. Shouldn’t that be what eating is?
Santosha
Contentment is the goal in life. Not happiness, that can come and go, but when you feel contentment, you feel satisfied and complete. With regard to eating, Eating until you feel satisfied means paying attention to how you feel, before, during, and after eating. When you notice how you feel, you will stop when you’ve had enough.
What is enough? Only you will know, and this comes from paying attention. Your body will tell you, as long as your fear doesn’t get in the way. When you grow up with a scarcity mindset (will I have enough?) this one can be challenging.
Practicing Santosha while eating isn’t necessarily intuitive. Do you eat while driving or watching TV? Do you eat while doing other things? I have been guilty of many of these habits. It’s difficult to know how you feel when your mind is otherwise occupied. Chewing your food and breathing between bites will slow you down and force you to pay attention to what you are doing. Then you will feel when you’ve reached enough.
Intentional Eating
If any of these ideas resonate with you, you might enjoy Intentional Eating: Finding Peace and Balance with Your Relationship to Food. This 6 week online program explores why you eat and how you can develop healthier messages around food and eating. I won’t be promoting any diets as there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to food. There will be self-exploration, journaling, and self regulation practices and principles based on yoga philosophy and brain science. Learn to have a healthier relationship with food and yourself.
Yoga is more than poses. The principles, like the 3 listed above, affect how you feel and how you behave. When you apply these principles to eating, you feel more in control over your mind and your behaviors. When you let go of unhelpful, harmful thoughts and beliefs, it’s easier to benefit from the choices that you make.
This program is limited to 5 people to encourage connection, confidentiality, and support. Share your struggles in a safe, non-judgmental space, and feel seen and heard. Click here for more information or to sign up. Email me with any questions at janine@purpleroomyoga.com. Next cohort begins April 23!
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