How to Love Your Body in 3 “Easy” Steps
As a 52 year old woman, I have had a lifelong struggle to love and accept my body.
As a child, my weight fluctuated through growth spurts, as everyone’s does. One summer at camp when I was about 7 or 8, a counselor frequently poked my belly and call me the Pillsbury Dough Girl. She was referring to the fact that I giggled when she poked because it tickled, but I felt humiliated. I shrank away from her and didn’t understand why she would say this about me. She thought it was cute, but I felt ashamed.
In high school, I was an athlete and a dancer. During swim season I got leaner and stronger and ate whatever I wanted. I needed the extra fuel with the 6 practices per week. When I continued to eat the same way the rest of the year when I wasn’t as active, my weight typically increased.
At 16 my mother told me “Janine, you would be so beautiful if you lost 15lbs.” That hurt. I am 52 years old, and those words have stayed with me. While they were coming from a place of love, these messages caused me a lot of harm. They taught me that there was something wrong with my body and I needed to change it to make it “better.”
The self loathing started early and stayed with me for decades.
The kicker was, I was always healthy, and I was never bigger than a size 10. However, in my head, my body was somehow unacceptable and needed “improvement.” Whatever that meant.
I never had an eating disorder per se, but I had an unhealthy relationship with food. As a dancer I was always aware of the need to have my body be a certain shape or size, but when my emotions felt too big, I ate my feelings.
I have always had big feelings but believed it needed to show up smaller and quieter to make everyone else okay. I would eat the feelings when they came up because I wasn’t allowed to express them. When I did, I was “too loud,” “too emotional,” “embarrassing,” and “disruptive.” Food was my comfort and my enemy.
Food wasn’t the enemy
I blamed food for how my body looked and would restrict, then binge. I didn’t understand that food wasn’t the problem. The problem was not being able to tolerate how I was feeling. A victim of my own perfectionism and feared inadequacy caused pretty significant anxiety and depression.
Fast forward through my years of dancing, becoming a yoga instructor, giving birth to and raising 2 kids, and eventually turning 52. All of these life stages brought with them feelings of inadequacy. I never had a “perfect” body (whatever that is), and always felt bad about it. I was failing.
Who was I to teach yoga when I don’t have a “yoga body?” Why can’t I get my body back to pre-baby weight and condition? With the amount of core work I do, why don’t I have 6-pack abs? All completely misguided thoughts and beliefs.
Getting to the other side
Through my yoga practice, meditation, and deep emotional work, I learned that the inside matters much more than the outside. It is possible to love yourself and your body without meeting society’s vision of “perfect” or even “acceptable.” We can only control what is inside our head, we can’t control everyone else. The only way to be happy with your body, is to be happy with it, accepting it as it is, with all of its strengths, “flaws,” and beauty.
My 52 year old body has stretch marks from being pregnant with my 2 wonderful children. I do have 6-pack abs, but they are buried under a layer of “insulation” and love handles. I have grey hairs that I call my “wisdom sparkles” and some lines at the corners of my eyes. And I love my body more now than I ever have. I feel stronger, have better balance, and more mobility than I did when I was younger. I also have much less anxiety. 20 year old body is gone, as is my 20 year old mind. I am grateful for my curves, my strength, and my wisdom. Thanks, but I wouldn’t want to ever go back to 20.
I have let go of caring about what other people think, and instead focus on what I think.
I have let go of the idea of a “perfect” body, and can love and appreciate the body that I have. When the numbers go up on the scale, it’s not an indication of a change in my self worth. I might have deeply enjoyed some ice cream or cookies. Perhaps I am premenstrual. I might need to drink more water. Maybe I should stop weighing myself because the numbers on the scale don’t matter. They have nothing to do with who I am as a person. I now love my imperfect body just as she is. And that is enough.
3 Steps that will help you love your body:
1. Stop comparing yourself to others.
Nobody else has lived your life, has your body chemistry or genes, or does what you do in a day. I remember when Madonna was on her Blond Ambition Tour she made a documentary which showed off her amazing body and that she worked out 6 hours a day. I don’t have time to work out 6 hours a day (nor would I want to), so I am never going to look like she did. And that’s fine.
There is no need to compare yourself to anyone else’s body or journey, because it won’t change anything about how you look. Following what they eat, how they exercise, etc, will have different effects in your body. Focus on how you feel. Accept your body as it is today, and see if you can be grateful for what it does for you. Your body and brain allow you to do all the things you do.
Can you find beauty in that? Think of 3 things related to your body that you are grateful for. Can you love the parts of your body that you are ashamed of? All bodies are beautiful, no matter the shape, size, color, or ability.
2. Focus on health, not on weight.
Your weight not only fluctuates throughout the week, it also fluctuates throughout the day. If you focus your attention on healthy habits, like foods that make you feel good, exercise that you enjoy, getting enough good quality sleep, and managing your stress, your body will find a healthy weight. Health matters much more than the number on the scale.
You can have a larger body and be healthy, just like you can have a smaller body and be unhealthy. The number matters far less than how you feel in your skin. Repeat step 1 to let go of comparing yourself to others, and be in your body. It’s the only one you have. Let it feel good.
3. Notice the stories you are telling yourself.
We all have stories of being “not enough” or “too much,” or both. Too fat, too thin, too flabby, too weak, too old, too wrinkly, too grey, etc. Notice your stories and ask yourself, too _______ according to whom? Who is creating this scale that you are too ________ on?
Ask yourself if these stories are actually true, or just stories that you have been brought up to believe as true. Letting go of the stories that are holding you back is one of the most powerful things you can do. Journal, meditate, or do talk therapy to discover what your stories are. Then you get to decide if you want to believe them any more. Chances are, you won’t.
You have one body. Relish it. Enjoy it. Love it. You are beautiful, enough and worthy just as you are.
Join the community!
Get support! The next cohort of Intentional Eating: Finding Peace and Balance With Your Relationship to Food starts April 23! In this 6 week online program, you will learn and apply yogic principles to support how you relate to and manage eating. Food will be less of a mystery and more of a joy. This program will help you find more peace and ease with your relationship to food, while receiving community support from others going through the same struggles that you have. Click here for more information or to get on the waitlist! Limited to 5 people to ensure safety with sharing.
Yoga and meditation helped me learn to love myself and my body, and it can do the same for you. I teach live online classes Monday-Friday at Purple Room Yoga, and have hundreds of on demand classes at your disposal. Click here to see the weekly schedule of live classes, and here to see the on demand video library. Subscriptions available, drop ins welcome! Click here for the 10 Day All Access Free Trial!
